You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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