I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
