perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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