Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
