She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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