I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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