I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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