Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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