Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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