I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize