so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
