I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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