he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Success! We fucked roommates!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
