Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
