I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
