why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
