You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
