It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
