I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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