Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
