i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
