How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
