So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize