yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
