thus making me awesome and them whores
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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