I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
