Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Pants are for mortals
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
