So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
