Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
