why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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