She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
