i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
