I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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