Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
