it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
