I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think i have two assholes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
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