Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I want her autograph on my taint
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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