Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
