Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
