Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
