Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
