my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
