apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
