I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
