A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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