Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
