once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
