Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
