discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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