Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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