YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
