A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
