im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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