Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
