White coat. Heels.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
