Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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