I love black thongs
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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