Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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