Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
