btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
