Your face is a jimmy john
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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