There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she peed on how many people?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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