I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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