I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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